Lesson 9: Things aren't always what they seem

Last night, I re-learned that you shouldn't judge people by who they are associated with. Seems like an easy thing to know, right?

A guy I know has a bad, wide-spread reputation because of his family, especially his mom and sisters. Some of my friends have implicitly out-casted him because of that and people still call him names. He disappeared from the face of the earth for a while and when my boyfriend got into nursing school, turns out this guy was in the class also. I would see him every once in a while, and last time I saw him, he was with his girlfriend who was American, i.e. not within our culture whatsoever. He doesn't seem like a bad person, and even if he did things in the past, it was a long time ago so who knows? He could've changed.

Then it dawned on me: Is he trying to get away from who everyone thinks he is?

My boyfriend said every time he mentions seeing his family out somewhere, he keeps his answers very brief. "Yeah? Cool." Done. He's been out-casted from our cultural community for a majority of his life so maybe nursing is a way of developing a name for himself, independent of his family. Maybe he doesn't date American girls just because he's attracted to them; maybe he also dates them because they aren't involved in the drama.

I know these are all assumptions as well, but it helps me to realize how important it is to know both sides of the story before any conclusions are made. It's just unfortunate that I'm guilty of assuming only one of them.

Another thing I learned: many times people make negative generalizations about others and exclude themselves from it. Don't forget to look in the mirror before pointing out others' faults.