Lesson 11: Where inspiration comes from

In the wee hours of the night, my boyfriend and I decided to grab a bite at the local Waffle House. It was just past 2am, so I knew the place would be packed with young, drunken -- and hungry -- bar hoppers.

We sat at the bar in the middle of the restaurant right in front of the cooks since nothing else was open. There were about 6 employees, and they all seemed quite flustered. Only two of them were cooking and the rest were... well I really don't know. For the most part, they either stood there, either doing nothing or yelling out orders, or they unproductively paced back and forth.

About 10 or 15 minutes passed by and we still hadn't gotten a chance to place an order. No one even acknowledged us. Finally, I got the attention of a "salesperson" named Harriet. She was an older woman with red, shoulder-length hair and glasses. I asked her if we could order and she told us to hold one second. I watched her as she slowly walked to the register with a disgruntled look, paused, then came back and took her notepad out of her pocket and asked what we wanted. The walk to the register and pausing must have been the second she literally took to get the gears cranking in her nice little wrinkled head. "Oh, order means I write stuff down."

After she took our order -- which was a somewhat awkward moment -- I watched her as she slowly walked towards the register again. I then fixed my attention on the cooks and we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I didn't see any bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuits being cooked. The guy seated next to us came about 5-10 minutes after we did and he had already gotten his full meal. Finally, I got Harriet's attention again. She had to do a walk to the cooks and back a few times before she finally took her notepad out and said, "I'm sorry, I'll have to get your order again."

We eventually got our food and Harriet gave us an early check. I already knew the bill would add up to about $5-6, but it came out to over $10. My boyfriend's order was calculated wrong. We got the attention of another employee to confirm, and she also said it was wrong.

Pay time. My boyfriend asked about the check and Harriet said, "This is actually right... that's how we calculate these now, but I'll just go ahead and take that off..." The other employee I talked to earlier was behind her. We made eye contact and the woman rolled her eyes at Harriet's statement. The re-rung bill came to about $6, as I suspected. Being $4 off is a lot, considering how cheap the food usually is there.

We walked out of there irritated. My boyfriend said, "That lady was really pissing me off. I was really holding it back."

This scene is a learning experience, as much as it was annoying. Obviously employees at Waffle House aren't meant to be world-class, but I've been there several times and have never come across a crew of employees as disorganized as the ones I witnessed last night. It makes me think about where I am now and where I'll be ending up in the next 10 years. I know I won't be looking for a job just so I can have one. I've chosen a career that will give me some free time so I don't have to bust my ass all night by succumbing to the stomachs of drunken college students. I feel reassured that I have a few good brain cells.

I like where I am going to be.

Lesson 10: Setting limits (not the best way)

Today I realized that there are two people I'm not scared of: my parents. Specifically though... my dad.

We got into a fight today and it got violent. It started when he "jokingly" insulted my boyfriend. His humor can be quite harsh, but sometimes he goes too far and someone has to let him know what the limits are. If I would have talked to him like a normal, rational person, and said something like, "Dad, don't say that stuff. It hurts," he wouldn't give a shit and he would continue to insult him in the future. The anger escalated quickly as we yelled at each other back and forth until he got up and shoved me against the wall. I wasn't scared at all. What could he do? Hurt me? Kill me? In the end, it would only leave him feeling incredibly guilty and sorry for what he did.

After the incident, I cried silently. Like I said, I wasn't scared-- I was crying because of the initial hurt he caused me by saying rude things about someone I cared for deeply. I hope that in the future, he knows not to go there anymore. I just wish sometimes my mom would set limits on some of the hurtful things he says to her when he's "joking."

Lesson 9: Things aren't always what they seem

Last night, I re-learned that you shouldn't judge people by who they are associated with. Seems like an easy thing to know, right?

A guy I know has a bad, wide-spread reputation because of his family, especially his mom and sisters. Some of my friends have implicitly out-casted him because of that and people still call him names. He disappeared from the face of the earth for a while and when my boyfriend got into nursing school, turns out this guy was in the class also. I would see him every once in a while, and last time I saw him, he was with his girlfriend who was American, i.e. not within our culture whatsoever. He doesn't seem like a bad person, and even if he did things in the past, it was a long time ago so who knows? He could've changed.

Then it dawned on me: Is he trying to get away from who everyone thinks he is?

My boyfriend said every time he mentions seeing his family out somewhere, he keeps his answers very brief. "Yeah? Cool." Done. He's been out-casted from our cultural community for a majority of his life so maybe nursing is a way of developing a name for himself, independent of his family. Maybe he doesn't date American girls just because he's attracted to them; maybe he also dates them because they aren't involved in the drama.

I know these are all assumptions as well, but it helps me to realize how important it is to know both sides of the story before any conclusions are made. It's just unfortunate that I'm guilty of assuming only one of them.

Another thing I learned: many times people make negative generalizations about others and exclude themselves from it. Don't forget to look in the mirror before pointing out others' faults.

Lesson 8: Real friends

A few experiences in the past few days reminded of what qualities make up a real friend.

Two days ago, one of my classmates called and said she needed to talk to someone about personal problems. She's originally from another part of the state so just recently moving into this city and the fact that we have distance education (i.e. more isolation) make it somewhat unfavorable for a newbie. "I know we're not that close, but I really need a friend right now," she said. I listened to her story and although I didn't know much about her personal life, obviously there weren't many other people she could count on, so I felt it was my duty to be there for her in a time of need. She also said to me, "It's nice to be assured I have friends around here." It feels good to know that someone understands and appreciates the help you provide them with. The tough part is being consistent.

Tonight was my boyfriend's birthday celebration. It was only meant to be a handful of people, but the turnout was less than expected. At the end of the night, he told me he was upset that only two people from his class showed up. "After everything I've done for them, after they made you cry because of so many nights staying up studying so late, I ask them to show up one time for my birthday and they didn't come. What a bunch of assholes."

I already knew that it gets tougher to make friends when you get older, but not this tough. You think they're your friends... but maybe it's just convenience. Hey, you're here, I'm here too, so let's hang out. Maybe it's just for their benefit. You're studying? I'll study with you so we can both ace this exam. But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, who will volunteer to stay when you are in need? Who will give back when they don't have to? Who are your real friends?

Lesson 7: Hidden musical treasure

Sorry for not blogging for the past two days because I know all you readers out there are so eager to read my entries.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon a new musical artist. Her name is Sara Bareilles, and she's a singer-songwriter who plays the ivory keys while soothing you with a slightly deeper, soulful set of pipes. Her hit single "Love Song" has been out since last year but I just recently heard it and fell in love with it. Her style is poppy, jazzy, and somewhat funky and I really dig it.

I love finding new artists out there I really enjoy, especially when they haven't quite made it mainstream. It's like finding treasure no one knew was there until you tell somebody and all of a sudden, you're realize you're rich. I discovered Marie Digby about two or three months ago and I don't think she's had a debut on MTV yet. I found her sitting in her solid #7 spot on YouTube's Most Subscribed Musicians and realized that she's got a real talent for not only playing the guitar and the piano and singing, but for writing songs that would appeal to the public ear.

It's amazing how powerful a tool YouTube is for aspiring musicians, film-makers, artists or anyone else in the world that wants to be heard. It's still about the public opinion though, so even if you make a ton of videos trying to get noticed, you may never be discovered by someone in the industry if no one likes watching your stuff.

Lesson 6: Treating a stye

Styes are definitely not fun. As you can see, the one I have is fairly disgusting, with swelling mostly along the inner bottom of my left eye, slight pain and tenderness, and lots of eye watering.

Last night, I tried to prevent it from getting worse by putting my brother's thermal patch on it overnight. It didn't help. After work today, I went to see the doctor at Solantic and got some antibiotic eye drops. He also said to put a warm compress on it several times a day for about 10 minutes at a time.

So I came up with this *brilliant* idea that I should use both a damp rag AND the thermal patch to keep the rag warm longer. You know how fast those things get cold by themselves.

I guess I didn't learn much today except that you don't really need to go to the doctor for a stye. It would just be nice to be able to see well at work all day tomorrow and while I drive.

Lesson 5: Working in pharmacy

I worked today for the first time in a few weeks. Here's what I learned:

(Irrelevant to you, so feel free to skip)

• Don't lie to customers (or guests, as we say at Target).
• There's a difference between regular naproxen and enteric-coated naproxen.
• There is no generic for Plavix because it got taken off the market.
• Read prescriptions more carefully (directions, refills, etc.).
• Turn the magnet label sideways when we need to order more bottles.
• Make sure to write down the formulation of the prescription if there might be a discrepancy.
• If you need to find the new fax # for a prescription that was previously faxed to the wrong #, it's not necessary to look it up on the computer; just find the original prescription and handwrite it down. Duh.
• Make sure you take a lunch break WITHIN 6 HOURS of the start of your shift or you will get sent to the principal's office.
• Bring a hair clip.

These were mostly mistakes I had to learn from... all today. As small as these may seem, making sure that these things are all done correctly tweak the pharmacy's efficiency. I also wonder sometimes if my boss secretly thinks that I'm too incompetent to become a pharmacist. Honestly though, she's a hard one to keep up with. I feel prone to making mistakes while working with her as opposed to the other pharmacist. Hopefully I can teach myself to overcome that nervousness, or whatever that may be.

Lesson 4: Relationship games and bootleg DVDs

In the wee hours of the night, I caught myself playing games. Relationship games. It takes a lot for a girl to admit she does these things because girls always deny it. Mind you, it's about that time of the month.

My boyfriend has proven to me how much of an over-achiever he is during these past few months in nursing school. He has a study group session several times a week at the college library or his house where they study until 3, 4, or even 5am. I usually talk to him on the phone until we fall asleep, so I saw it as our everyday "alone" time being taken away from me. We already made it clear in the beginning of our relationship that our education would come first, and I knew that, but I was being selfish. Last night his group was up extremely late again because they had a test today, so I waited up for him to finish so I could talk to him. At 3:30am, I called and asked how much longer, and he said maybe 2 more hours. I got mad, hung up, and turned off my phone. That, friends, is the catcher. I knew what I was doing when I did that. I meant to make him feel guilty or angry. For what? Temporarily putting our relationship second so he could focus on his schoolwork?? Something we agreed upon in the beginning???

At first, I didn't care. I wanted it to simmer, I wanted to make him feel how I felt. "That's what you get." Pure emotion, no rationale. After a few minutes, I realized that I had nothing to back up my reason for doing that. I could've pulled something out of nowhere to make him feel worse like, "You stay up way too late studying and you know that this is the only time I get to really talk to you when we don't see each other. Who studies that late? In groups? At least study when normal people study so it doesn't take away from our alone time." But quite frankly, all of that would be bullsh*t. Plenty of people study at odd hours-- I should know. I've done it, my classmates do it. All I would be trying to accomplish is justification for my selfishness, so I knew better than to say something like that.

That's when I caught myself.

I turned my phone back on and texted him an apology. I told him that I couldn't deal with not having the usual contact everyday. I just missed him. This is when it helps to have an understanding boyfriend: he comforted me and told me that it's good to know that I feel the same way he felt when I was in school and he wasn't. It shows him how much I care about him.

If a guy can deal with a girl's PMS, you two were probably meant to be together.

Another thing I learned today: you can buy $5 bootleg DVDs from a dollar store off of Mayport Road that's located in the same plaza as Grand Buffet. JP bought Fool's Gold. The quality is pretty good considering it was just someone who brought a video camera with a tripod into the theater itself, but I think you could've probably downloaded the DVD-quality movie for free somewhere.

Lesson 3: Taxes

Nothing morally stimulating today. I've done my taxes before, but I guess I understand it a little better now. I thought you could maximize your return by factoring in scholarships and donations and all these little things, but with someone like me who is single and a dependent, I guess there's not much you can claim. Oh well. At least I get some money back.

Have you done your taxes yet?

Lesson 2: Motivation

The 31st Annual Gate River Run took place today. It has become the most popular 15K in the nation, with over 13,000 participants who come from all over the United States and the world. It takes place in downtown Jacksonville, encompassing the Jaguars football stadium & the Jacksonville Fairgrounds. After achieving your finishing medal within the stadium, you can walk on over to the Fairgrounds and enjoy the free food, live entertainment, and runner's expo, where businesses hand out more free stuff and promote their merchandise. When you get home, you can turn on the TV to your local news channel and record yourself crossing the finish line.

Also on the day of the River Run are several other small running activities, including the Adidas Junior Run, the 5K for Charity, and the Diaper Dash for small children. This year I took part in the 5K. I ran for the most part, but I stopped and walked every now and then. There was a point where I was walking and I happened to look up and right in front of me was a hefty girl with the back of her shirt saying, "2 FAST 4 U." My mind said, "Oh hell no" and I picked up the pace. That's when I decided that my goal was not only to finish, but to finish before her.

Motivation can be inspired by something just as minute (and just as wrong... haha). Sometimes it's ingrained into a memory of a person who inspires you to be just like them or even just the opposite. Other times, it comes as small spurts from outside sources that constantly remind you of where you want to be, like watching someone laugh after having a bad day, or a shy person who decides to speak up. Motivation also means nothing if the end result is not important to you.

Another thing I (re-)learned today: Don't let people define success for you. Many people try to achieve financial success, but some think that success is just getting to live a normal life because they haven't before. Don't let people tell you that you are a failure just because you chose to do something they thought was not successful but is important to you.

How do you define success? What motivates you to reach it?

Lesson 1: Remembering my values

Today was one of those long days... the ones when you catch yourself daydreaming about your head hitting the pillow. I woke up early, drove an hour to an unpaid internship, drove back to my city, headed downtown, picked up some stuff, got home, then left again to volunteer for my church. Add rain. All day long, everywhere I went.

I thought about not going to church, but I already made a prior commitment. I'm glad I went. We did the stations of the cross tonight, and some of the prayers reminded me of the morals and values I grew up having that I almost forgot about.

• Do good for others, not because you were pressured to and not for some self-centered reason, but because it does a service for your brothers and sisters.
• If a job must be done and you are scared, face your fears, even if it involves humiliation. Remember that Jesus stood up for what he believed in so much that he suffered the ridicule of the whole town as he bore the weight of the cross and dragged it to his place of death.
• "A flicker of light is better than cursing the darkness." Even in a time of utter despair, a small amount of good still means something. It may not seem so, but it offers a glimpse of hope to those who may think there is none.
• Everyone has their own problems. You may have a lot going on in your life at the moment, but that never means you're too occupied to help someone else who also needs it.

Those are the only ones that I can remember, although there was one for each station.

Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm currently doing -- in this case, school -- that I forget about the nitty-gritty. School is all about making yourself look good on paper for the real thing that's out there, so within it is a lot of stress, hard work, competition, and constantly stepping out of your comfort zone. Not only is it good every once in a while to come back to things that are familiar and comfortable, but it also helps you remember to take these thoughts with you as you progress through life.

Another thing I learned today... I do yell at my mom. I listened to myself today and I noticed that I snap at her a lot and I'm impatient with her, much like my dad is. I also have to keep this in the back of my head so I can learn to not settle in those ways as I get older.